07. The Truth About Orgasms: Your Top Questions Answered – Part 1: How to Have an Orgasm

I get asked questions about orgasms A LOT:

“How do I have one?”
“How do I know if I’ve had one?”
“Why can I climax alone but not with a partner?”

So, I’m getting nice and intimate with you in this 3-part series - The Truth About Orgasms: Your Top Questions Answered.

This week, we’re diving into the first and biggest question: How to Have an Orgasm..

First, Know This:

Simply by being in a human body, you are wired for orgasm.
If it feels far away right now, it’s not because you’re “broken” — it’s because most of us have been taught to disconnect from our pleasure and bodies.

Here’s something else: most women don’t orgasm through penetration alone.
And whilst we’re told to just accept this, it’s actually not normal, and is a clear reflection of how little we’re taught about female pleasure, and how much our sexual culture is shaped by a masculine, goal-oriented approach to sex.

I wholeheartedly believe that, through discovering your Unique Sexual Blueprint (the 3rd pillar of my Sexual Fulfilment Formula), every single person can be multi-orgasmic

How Do I Have an Orgasm?

My number one tip? Stop trying to have an orgasm.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but the more you chase it, the more it slips away.

When you focus solely on climax, your attention jumps into your head — concentrating on performance, timing, and outcome — instead of staying in your body, where pleasure is actually happening. And if you’re not in your body, how can sensation build to its peak?

A more slow, conscious approach to sex teaches that arousal and orgasm naturally arise when we shift from doing to being. When you release the need to “get there” and instead bring your awareness into your body—breathing, softening, feeling—you create the exact conditions your body needs to let pleasure grow.

Try This Instead:

• Shift your focus to pleasure, not performance.
• Ask yourself: “How much pleasure can I feel?” instead of “Am I close yet?”
• Slow your movements to half the speed you think they “should” be… then slow down even more.
• Follow what feels good — touch, rhythm, pressure — without expectation, rushing or judgement.
• Treat orgasm as a bonus, not the point of sex.

By letting go of the “finish line”, you make space for orgasm to emerge—often more deeply and unexpectedly than before. Think of orgasms are a by-product of being deeply present with your body, and not something you chase or force into existence.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of the Orgasm Series next week, where I answer: How do I know if I’ve ever had an orgasm?