08. The Truth About Orgasms: Your Top Questions Answered – Part 2: How do I know if I’ve had an Orgasm?

This is one of the most common questions I get asked, and the answer is: it depends. Every orgasm can feel different. Some are explosive and intense, others are softer or subtler.

In my experience (and yes, this might sound annoying to hear)—if you’re not sure whether you’ve had one, you probably haven’t. And that’s okay. As I shared in Part 1 of this series: How to Have an Orgasm, you’re already wired for orgasm. It’s often less about “trying harder” and more about creating the right conditions for your body to let go.

What Actually Happens During Orgasm?

It may surprise you to hear orgasm begins in the brain—and is not just a “genital event”. It’s a whole-body response triggered when the brain interprets enough pleasurable stimulation as “safe to let go.” Stress, judgment, or pressure to perform can block this process entirely, because the brain keeps you in protection mode instead of pleasure mode.

Physiologically, some of the most common signs of orgasm are increased heart rate, breath becoming short and shallow, involuntary muscle spasms or trembling, flushed skin, and involuntary pelvic floor contractions. However, not everyone experiences all of these, and the presence/absence of any one sign doesn’t definitively prove orgasm, which is why I encourage people to focus more on the sensation.

What an Orgasm Might Feel Like:

• A wave of pleasure that builds, peaks, and releases (the classic climax most people think of)
• Rhythmic contractions in the pelvic floor or uterus—sometimes strong and obvious, other times barely noticeable
• An all-over softening, warmth, or expansion (often described in Tantra and slow sex teachings as melting into the body or heart)
• A subtle hum, tingling, or energetic flow—not explosive, but a sustained current of pleasure through the body
• Emotional release—sometimes laughter, tears, or a sense of deep connection
• A sense of timelessness or altered consciousness—orgasm can feel spiritual, opening you beyond the physical body

Each orgasm is unique. Some may feel “big” and satisfying, others smaller or less intense. Some can even feel disappointing. None of them are “wrong.”

If You’re Unsure…

If you’re questioning it, chances are you haven’t had one yet. But that’s not a failure—it’s an invitation. By focusing less on the finish line and more on sensation, breath, and connection (as we explored in Part 1), you create the exact conditions for orgasms to arise—often more easily and more deeply.

Stay tuned for the final part of this series, where I’ll answer another big question: Why can I orgasm alone but not with a partner?